It's a LONG ASS LIST
My heart can't take anymore suffering. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am too old to keep dealing with bullshit, substandard connections, fetishism, abuse, crossed boundaries, being taken advantage of, and being thrown out for reasons not honestly explained or just ghosted. I have put my crown back on and it will not be knocked off ever again. These are red flags I've experienced and will be avoiding. NO EXCEPTIONS ever again. I understand many of these flags present themself later during bonding. If they popup, GAME OVER.
Warning: The following contains profane language which may not be suitable for all readers. I am honestly expressing myself with the language most suitable for my cathartic release. I do not apologize for it but I also don't want to offend the delicate beings. Mama has a potty mouth lol :p
WE WON'T WORK....
1. If you have ZERO impressive skills, talents, or hobbies you're passionate about as well as ZERO dreams, goals, or ambition. Just good in bed won't impress me or be enough to keep my interest. Ever done (or tried to do) porn or explicit OnlyFans as your goal or side hustle? This is now a fuckboi free zone.
2. If you think the only hard work that matters is working out. I hope you are capable of recognizing that hard work is required to succeed in multiple areas of life. Just building this website is hard work at times lol. I do NOT need to diet or workout hard to stay thin- it's GENETIC. If not stressed and cortisol levels don't rise, I do NOT gain weight. I looked my worst after Grampa's death- drinking and sitting on my ass crying with an unsupportive partner. I am the first grandchild and we were very close. But if laughing and doing light workouts at home, I'm 5'5", 115 - 120 lbs., and 34-21-36 with lil to no effort. 19.1 - 20.0 is a healthy BMI and normal in my genetically thin and athletic family. Why is it always these guys with unattractive exes who want me to look like a fitness model? Go back to the butterfaces with gym memberships since that's on your level. Plus, I was paralyzed 5 years ago and got down to 89lbs in hospital. Me walking again at a healthy weight is a huge fitness flex. Next guy (2 so far) who asks me to stand on a scale for bullshit reasons, I'm throwing it through a window. Next phat fuck who questions how much I eat will never share a meal with me again. Fuckoff. Not every thin person has to work hard for it or has an eating disorder. Yes, I eat A LOT.
3. If you have ZERO friends or social life. Don't blame it on being an introvert because I'm one too and have managed to have a healthy group of long-term (decades) close friends and social life (except during the winter when everyone is cuddled up for cuffing season lol.) I hate people but have maintained long-term and loving relationships with the good ones. How can I trust you'll value our relationship if you have zero maintained attachments with people not bound by blood, money, or children? The majority of people with ZERO friends have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that awesome person you first met is just a performance to get you hooked. They're actually insecure AF, have to look down on others to feel good about themselves, have zero empathy or respect for your humanity, and often are detached abusers or abandoners. If they can break or deceive you, to use you for their purposes, they'll keep you in their tool box disguised as a relationship. Keep that disorder away from me.
4. If you are unable to accept you might be wrong and don't always know the best/only way to do something. Also, if you can't apologize when wrong. And don't be that ass hole who flings false accusations and punishments when totally wrong. This trait becomes mentally, emotionally, and verbally draining and abusive. Needing someone else to believe they're wrong and accept punishment even when they aren't is detrimental to their mental health. You're an aggressive gaslighter aka you suck. If I tell you I didn't fkn say or do something, I DIDN'T.
5. If you believe emotions like love and happiness are a weakness. Only a damaged person still suffering from crushed happiness thinks like this. Disregard for such emotions has become a defense mechanism to not feel let down again. Happiness, love, and positivity can be superpowers for mentally and emotionally healthy people. Some of the worst things I've ever said or done have happened when I felt nothing or nothing positive. But I have positively influenced lives, including my own, with love and happiness.
6. If your main goal is to seduce/love-bomb a woman into combining lives quickly to save you from a crisis (financial, legal, emotional, etc.) If you can't afford to be single, you can't afford dating either. Get your shit together. Romance scammer vibes. If you're just jumping into a relationship for financial benefit, doesn't that make you a fake ass, gold digging, codependent, gigolo? You are not a man who's a provider that can be depended on. You are just a weak boy searching for a tit to feed you. Keep your struggle to your weak ass self.
7. If you consider a partner expendable during your tough times instead of seeing her as someone who has your back. No good woman, like me, would abandon her man or anyone close to her during their low point. Deal with your abandonment and neglect issues if your idea of a relationship does not include partnership and support. If the only person you feel you can depend on is yourself, you do not deserve the support and upgrades that come with the healthy partnership I or any good woman can provide. You got problems? I am a planner, a builder, a winner, have recourses, and will tenaciously fight having your back if you let me.
8. If you are a toxic misogynist who has ever said, "I'm the man/dad, I make the decisions." Too often, it's people lacking a sense of power elsewhere in their life who attempt to exert a sense of power in their relationship/home. I'm not too much of a feminist to not let a man feel like the man of the house but I also get a say as an equal and respected human being.
9. If you claim to be big on communication but stay silent, vague, lie, become passive aggressive or aggressively deflect when you have a problem. If you've ever been that ass hole who's been over it but kept your mouth shut and still took advantage of her physically, fuck you. That is absolutely a violation taking sexual advantage of another while you take your time to say what needs to be said.
10. If you don't find humor in memes or random posts on Reddit lol. Let's just laugh at something ridiculous together lol!
11. If you are sooooo emotionally damaged and stubborn, you are incapable of conflict resolution and/or defusing a tense situation- especially if the conflict and tension was started by your actions. Calling genuine apologies and/or olive branches inappropriate or offensive show emotional immaturity and/or trust issues... or lacking basic language comprehension skills. Are you illiterate and dumb? Do you just ghost cuz you don't have the maturity to communicate and face reactions? Ghosting without understandable provocation is actually abusive and says a lot about your shitty-ass character (https://liveboldandbloom.com/08/self-improvement/ghosting-says-you) Threatening police and legal intervention because you're mad (not scared or in danger) shows you're damaged AF just hoping to cause another fear. Somebody from your past made you feel so weak, manipulated, and small, you threaten use of the blue stripe and lawyers to seem powerful or the victor in a resolvable conflict? Fuck them and fuck you too. If you are a *Karen* who will play the victim and call (or claim you'll call) the cops on a Black person in this country (or anybody) for no damn good reason, you are part of society's problems and you'll definitely be a problem in any home too. Punk ass bitch. *Lil bit of tea about the cop calling bitch below.*
12. If you aren't a gentleman in the streets and a beast in the sheets lol.
13. If you don't give a shit about art, culture, and intellectual topics.
14. If you don't give a shit about my interests and goals or don't have faith in what I can accomplish for myself, my future, our future, and big decisions down the line. I am a champion team player for life.
15. If you expect your woman to be the life of the party. I am an extreme INTROVERT meaning it takes time for me to warm up to new people, places, and experiences. Don't expect who I am with MY CIRCLE to be who initially shows up in your circle especially if I'm wearing some sort of uniform, costume, or requested look. DO NOT expect me to win you social points. I warm up quicker one-on-one but in a crowd of 3 or more, I'm awkward AF lol. But once I'm comfortable, game on! I also get really nervous meeting parents scary soon (before 6 months) aahhhh!
16. If a woman achieving her goals and successfully hustling makes you feel emasculated, insecure, and/or turned off. Honestly, I'm NOT trying to be a workaholic boss-babe. I wanna have money come in from multiple streams of passive income so I can chill and put my focus into my passions (family, friends, home, art, and adventure.) My mom *best mom ever* was a stay-at-home mom with her side hustles while dad *best dad ever* is the main provider. #GOALS (And that's probably why my parents are still together.)
17. If you're looking for a bobble head trophy who's dressed up 24/7 and entirely dependent on you. I have needs I'd love a man to help me with but I am capable of functioning independently. Also, I might spend half the time in a comfy t-shirt and no pants in private. I also RARELY wear makeup. (I look my worst when stressed and/or on hustle mode; both temporary.) When we go out, I can DRESS UP depending on the context but even in public I might be very casual at times.
18. If you won't delete your dating apps and continue to check them just in case there's someone better. Trust me, I could replace you faster if that's how you wanna play. A mthrfkr once lied saying, "I still have the app so I can look at your pictures." I had deactivated the profile... Glad that basic bitch is gone.
19. If you're a gamer who would rather game than interact with me when I visit. Damn, at least pick a game we can play together! If we ever live together, all good, but while dating this will not be acceptable when I visit you. I will turn your game off and never see you again. Hope you lose, bitch.
20. If you don't have BDE. BOOM I said what I said lol. And I don't mean an alpha. Just move and speak with confidence and purpose. Everyone, including me, has insecurities. Just don't let them be your compass, hinder you, impact the relationship, or lead to self-sabotage.
21. If you expect your woman to be a mind reader. Say what TF you need, want, are thinking, feeling, and ask questions to get the information or help you want. Need space? Say something. Not happy about something? Give constructive criticism. Don't just start acting cold, distant, and quiet letting your issues fester until you ruin everything and run away like a lil bitch.
22. If you use your astrological sign or Myers Briggs personality type as an excuse for shitty behavior. You are a POS because you've chosen to be or haven't gotten therapeutic help NOT moon placement or psychometrics. If you are who you are as a product of abuse and/or trauma, you actually don't even know who you could be in a healthy, nurturing environment. Don't make any excuses, especially these. Although astrology and MBTI interest and entertain me, telling me, "I did what I did because I'm an ENFP" will never be acceptable. My big hearted super dad is a Scorpio INTJ (the potential ass holes of the spectrum) but he's nothing like that icy, damaged mthrfkr (with the same sign and MBTI) who's now dead to me. You are who you choose to be. If you have chosen to be an ass hole, you have let harmful influences win and you now perpetuate harmful cycles- like a broken bitch.
23. If you look down on women who use social media. I am an artist and business owner. Social media has been a great tool used as FREE marketing. (Plus my Insta stories are 99% memes lol.) Not everyone on social media is an attention whore or ego maniac seeking outside validation. Many have figured out how to turn followers into customers. Don't hate or misjudge the hustle/hustler.
24. If you think being a provider is only a financial responsibility. Or if you're only capable of providing financially because you're emotionally fucked. If providing mental and emotional support is impossible/foreign to you, you're NOT a provider for well rounded human beings (partner and children.) That shit might work with the basics or someone as fucked up as you but with me, nah. Fuckoff. Provide warmth, safety, encouragement, adventure, big Os, and laughter! Who you are as a human being will also provide what I need, not just your wallet. What you tangibly have won't compare to how you make me feel. Provide SMILES! Make my days better and life easier with your presence. What's in your wallet will be the sprinkles on top.
25. If negging, sarcasm, and being a bully is how you "flirt." Are you the, "I was just joking" douchebag? That is immature AF and some pick-up-artist bullshit used to manipulate insecure girls. Talking shit to me won't hurt me but I'll come back with emotional damage that will put you in therapy. My ex fiancé is still not ok.
26. If you'll need your woman to make all the plans. I LOVE MEN WHO MAKE PLANS!!! "Put a dress on. I'm taking you out" is the sexiest thing ever omg. I make decisions all day at work and with my AJLUX projects. I'm totally cool with the you-pick then I-pick back and forth dynamic. But guys who always want the woman to decide, naw. I love manly leaders and leaders make plans. I want to be lead by a man. And be clear about your budget, boundaries, and schedule if expecting my input. If you tell me you're broke, we can plan something cute at home or come up with business plans to remedy the situation.
27. If you don't like pets. Especially big dogs. You need to trust that the family dogs have been properly trained. Don't warn me about a news report recounting someone's dog turning on them especially if you've never lived with properly trained dogs before.
28. If you have multiple babies with multiple baby mamas. Not cool with that Nick Cannon sh!t. No, I don't wanna be baby mama #4 lol. Don't admit there are other kids with other baby mamas after showing just one on your dating profile.
29. If you jump to conclusions as a defence mechanism. One look -> boom -> assumptions. The most ignorant mthrfks are the ones who never ask questions, jump to conclusions, and think they know everything. Jumping to conclusions to avoid an assumed disaster instead of asking questions to get the truth just makes you a pessimistic coward. Cowards can't be trusted.
30. If you've ever cussed out or been violent towards a child, especially YOUR child, or anyone weaker or less powerful than you. Are you a bully? Are you your child's first or biggest bully? The fuck is wrong with you?! Using profanity, screaming, and throwing insults while irrationally enraged is verbal abuse and potentially mental and emotional abuse that can severely damage a child- especially one younger than 6 (https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/early-childhood-trauma.) Bullies are abusers. And I'm that bitch who will take down abusers from now on. Even playfully spanking or physically restraining kids is a super weird red flag. Do I need to call the mom?
31. If you stop giving compliments. Women secret- it makes us insecure when the compliments suddenly stop and we will then try new things to get the compliments going again. I'll actually get offended too if you look over for just two seconds and say, "you look sparkly." No sh!t. Stating the obvious with little interest IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. It's giving, "I have nothing good to say..." I was insecure all night. Compliments stop, I'm out with a, "you look single" from now on.
32. If you use steroids. 'Roid rage is NOT acceptable no matter your physique. Confidently rocking the "DAD BOD" is sooooo sexy and actually my (and most women's) preference. A hot guy flipping the fuck out like a petulant teenager is disgusting. Put the 'roids down, get into body positivity, and find a hobby to help you build confidence not dependent on having Marvel pecs. Most men trying to get bulging muscles are often desperate for validation and praise from other men... men... And if you're not on 'roids but have comparable aggression issues, there's a clinical disorder going on that you can keep far away from me.
33. If you expect your partner to help you monitor your behavior and emotional outbursts. Dafuq? You need another mommy? That's fkn pathetic. I don't want to parent you- especially if I'm younger. You are an adult. I am not responsible for training or holding back a grown ass man. A kid, yes. A pet, yes. Employees and staff, yes. YOU?!!!! Take yo ass to a behavioral therapist and work your shit out.
34. IF YOU AREN'T ALREADY HAPPY cuz I am not prozac. Mthfkrs will leave a relationship and hurt a good partner cuz their human happy pill isn't working- no shit you depressed fuck. Happiness doesn't come from other people. It has to come from yourself. Go get some therapy cuz the unhappy ones become the ass holes on this list.
34. If you're attracted to me physically, not my personality, and intend to turn me into someone else. That's called GROOMING, you evil fuck.
35. If you're overconfident doing brown people's dances but count on a white person's beat. Colonizer vibes lol.
We will fight: If I complain about my period and you respond, "My ex(es) never had these problems." I hope your dick falls off, stupid fuck.
If you're ignorant about female anatomy... I will lose my fkn mind if I meet another dummas who thinks lighter, painless periods equal a healthier woman/uterus. A woman barely getting a period, especially from hard exercise, could lead to health risks. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1781987/) Within the uterus, vitamins, minerals, nutrients, tissue, literal body building materials are stored in the lining of the uterus for a healthy baby. Ever wonder why the majority of female bodybuilders, crossfit enthusiasts, professional athletes, and extreme dieters get little or no period? If she's using up the nutrients and body building materials for herself, they aren't being stored in the uterus for the baby. There is no study that can confirm if lighter or heavier periods affect fertility. But when it comes to the baby's health and development- that woman with historically light periods from going hard at the gym or overly restricting her eating should not be looked at as having the superior womb if nutrients aren't being stored especially for the child's brain. When was the last time you read an impressive success story and the mother was into extreme fitness/diet culture? Conditions, such as adenomyosis, may cause heavier bleeding, pain, and possibly a future cesarean section (for mom's protection not baby's) but not infertility (especially with today's science) or an unhealthy baby. Also, spotting can be normal and occur with age, during hormonal changes, and ovulation (https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/health/symptoms-and-diseases/what-is-spotting) Spotting may increase in frequency while a woman's biological clock is ticking or stressed. Deal with your issues/ignorance about menstrual blood before making a healthy, potential baby mama feel ashamed and discarded about it. Another lesson; many women get tummy issues because we have an additional organ, a uterus, in our lower abdomen pressing on other organs including intestines and bladder. The more bloated the uterus (healthy baby maker) and smaller the waist, the more tummy problems. The more nutrients and blood stored up, the more pressure on other organs. One more thing- if you want a son, that is entirely dependent on you. Only men pass on the Y chromosome (they pass on X or Y chromosomes.) If you've only created girls and are ready for a boy, talk to your doctor about IVF and your Y swimmers. Do not blame the woman. Women only pass on two X chromosomes. Some idiots really think, "she looks/acts like she'd give me my boy." The ignorance is mind boggling.
UGH.
I am far from perfect. Flawed AF. We all are. I work on red flags of mine obsessively when a man is honest with what went wrong (which is rare. I'm usually just ghosted or dropped via phone with some vague bullsh!t.) I'm trying to be better everyday for myself and a future partner. Now that I have my own luxury home again, I'm at peak performance. The list is actually even longer thanks to Sam but I need to bury that mthrfkr and what my dummas went through with him. I've focused too much on seeing the good in people, loving people, and giving chances or the benefit of the doubt when the same open-mindedness has never been shown to me. I notice EVERYTHING but have chosen to pay attention to what makes someone lovable- which is obviously my downfall. I've finally closed and locked the gates. Defenses ON. No, I'm not gonna turn into a bitchy, man hating, ass hole. I love men! My male family members and friends are amazing! I'm just extra protective and moving extra slowly now.
Beyond ready for love! But Black Queens are the least desired (even less desired than Asian men on dating apps) when it comes to forever partnership. (https://aninjusticemag.com/black-women-voted-most-undesirable-women-to-date-what-a-mistake-559ac53965e0) We're treated the worst, always underestimated, overly sexualized, and most likely to be single parents (https://www.impactmw.org/children-and-families/single-parent-families-by-race-ethnicity). We're women often targeted for street cred, used for our bodies, used for the stereotypes, exploited in online content creation, or just used up. And yet, we are the most educated group in this country (https://www.thoughtco.com/black-women-most-educated-group-us-4048763) as well as the fastest growing group of successful entrepreneurs. (https://www.forbes.com/sites/ruthumoh/2020/10/26/black-women-were-among-the-fastest-growing-entrepreneurs-then-covid-arrived/?sh=7b197e596e01) Unpack that... I got a scholarship to Occidental College, just like Obama did, my brand AJLUX was always profitable before the pandemic, and people were collecting my art. But I'm constantly initially judged as a just a dumb ornament with a paycheck. Dafuq??? Also, nobody has anyone's back harder than a strong Black woman because history conditioned us to always hold down the fort during mass incarcerations of Black men, husbands, and fathers. However, data shows that only 53% of light-skinned Black women get married as opposed to 23% of darker skin Black women like me (https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/apr/08/dark-skinned-black-girls-dont-get-married.) So, I'm mentally preparing to die alone. Or be a sugar mama with my pool boy and chef on rotation LOLOL. jk but not really... Sadly, if you're black, educated, and ambitious, better luck next life. (https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/successful-women-dating-men#:~:text=While%20many%20men%20will%20say,call%20their%20own%20into%20question.) You have the traits most men don't want especially in interracial partnerships. "I will not be outshined by some female darkie" mentality.
When comparing notes with my single black sistas, we observed we get rejected, criticized, or dropped for the dumbest reasons. We're all educated professionals not rappers talking about WAP. Not affairs, not abuse, not misuse of funds, not crossing boundaries, not lying, not real relationship ending fuckups- a messy fucking drawer, not being the stereotype, not going hard at the gym, true ambition, and enthusiasm to spend time gets us dropped. And we've all been abandoned while going through tough times such as a death in the family, financial crisis, health issues, mental health crisis, etc. Because of the angry Black woman stereotype, aggressive men often target us as partners thinking we'll be able to handle their toxicity resulting in many of us facing abuse and then getting dropped for being too soft aka HUMAN- if we don't hafta run away and make an escape first. And it's always the mthrfkr who has the least going for him that is the most critical and/or abusive- or the romance scammer who isn't getting the results he wanted fast enough. It'll be the mthrfkr who talks about you moving in after 2 months and who told you "Come over whenever!" needing space. "I don't miss you," was said when asked why a break turned into a breakup. I'm assuming he actually met someone while we were together cuz when I facetiously mentioned a new girlfriend in a short text message, he threatened to call the cops and take legal action then ghosted... like a guilty, punk ass bitch. I'm gonna sue for emotional distress lol.
Now I live by this long ass list to weed out the undesirables while focusing on building an amazing life as the Black, rich aunt that flies in from exotic locations to flex at family reunions lol. My heart and mind are open for a king but I'm doubtful he's looking for me. SURPRISE ME and receive more love and companionship than you've ever experienced before in a calm, laid back, respectful manner xoxo. I grew up with loving parents who are still married (47 years together) and have been a wonderful example of how to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. Hopefully it happens for me too. But if it doesn't, I'll make art, sit by the pool, travel, and hustle on! Art and money will never break my heart like men can lol. No more BS!!!
My heart can't take anymore suffering. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am too old to keep dealing with bullshit, substandard connections, fetishism, abuse, crossed boundaries, being taken advantage of, and being thrown out for reasons not honestly explained or just ghosted. I have put my crown back on and it will not be knocked off ever again. These are red flags I've experienced and will be avoiding. NO EXCEPTIONS ever again. I understand many of these flags present themself later during bonding. If they popup, GAME OVER.
Warning: The following contains profane language which may not be suitable for all readers. I am honestly expressing myself with the language most suitable for my cathartic release. I do not apologize for it but I also don't want to offend the delicate beings. Mama has a potty mouth lol :p
WE WON'T WORK....
1. If you have ZERO impressive skills, talents, or hobbies you're passionate about as well as ZERO dreams, goals, or ambition. Just good in bed won't impress me or be enough to keep my interest. Ever done (or tried to do) porn or explicit OnlyFans as your goal or side hustle? This is now a fuckboi free zone.
2. If you think the only hard work that matters is working out. I hope you are capable of recognizing that hard work is required to succeed in multiple areas of life. Just building this website is hard work at times lol. I do NOT need to diet or workout hard to stay thin- it's GENETIC. If not stressed and cortisol levels don't rise, I do NOT gain weight. I looked my worst after Grampa's death- drinking and sitting on my ass crying with an unsupportive partner. I am the first grandchild and we were very close. But if laughing and doing light workouts at home, I'm 5'5", 115 - 120 lbs., and 34-21-36 with lil to no effort. 19.1 - 20.0 is a healthy BMI and normal in my genetically thin and athletic family. Why is it always these guys with unattractive exes who want me to look like a fitness model? Go back to the butterfaces with gym memberships since that's on your level. Plus, I was paralyzed 5 years ago and got down to 89lbs in hospital. Me walking again at a healthy weight is a huge fitness flex. Next guy (2 so far) who asks me to stand on a scale for bullshit reasons, I'm throwing it through a window. Next phat fuck who questions how much I eat will never share a meal with me again. Fuckoff. Not every thin person has to work hard for it or has an eating disorder. Yes, I eat A LOT.
3. If you have ZERO friends or social life. Don't blame it on being an introvert because I'm one too and have managed to have a healthy group of long-term (decades) close friends and social life (except during the winter when everyone is cuddled up for cuffing season lol.) I hate people but have maintained long-term and loving relationships with the good ones. How can I trust you'll value our relationship if you have zero maintained attachments with people not bound by blood, money, or children? The majority of people with ZERO friends have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that awesome person you first met is just a performance to get you hooked. They're actually insecure AF, have to look down on others to feel good about themselves, have zero empathy or respect for your humanity, and often are detached abusers or abandoners. If they can break or deceive you, to use you for their purposes, they'll keep you in their tool box disguised as a relationship. Keep that disorder away from me.
4. If you are unable to accept you might be wrong and don't always know the best/only way to do something. Also, if you can't apologize when wrong. And don't be that ass hole who flings false accusations and punishments when totally wrong. This trait becomes mentally, emotionally, and verbally draining and abusive. Needing someone else to believe they're wrong and accept punishment even when they aren't is detrimental to their mental health. You're an aggressive gaslighter aka you suck. If I tell you I didn't fkn say or do something, I DIDN'T.
5. If you believe emotions like love and happiness are a weakness. Only a damaged person still suffering from crushed happiness thinks like this. Disregard for such emotions has become a defense mechanism to not feel let down again. Happiness, love, and positivity can be superpowers for mentally and emotionally healthy people. Some of the worst things I've ever said or done have happened when I felt nothing or nothing positive. But I have positively influenced lives, including my own, with love and happiness.
6. If your main goal is to seduce/love-bomb a woman into combining lives quickly to save you from a crisis (financial, legal, emotional, etc.) If you can't afford to be single, you can't afford dating either. Get your shit together. Romance scammer vibes. If you're just jumping into a relationship for financial benefit, doesn't that make you a fake ass, gold digging, codependent, gigolo? You are not a man who's a provider that can be depended on. You are just a weak boy searching for a tit to feed you. Keep your struggle to your weak ass self.
7. If you consider a partner expendable during your tough times instead of seeing her as someone who has your back. No good woman, like me, would abandon her man or anyone close to her during their low point. Deal with your abandonment and neglect issues if your idea of a relationship does not include partnership and support. If the only person you feel you can depend on is yourself, you do not deserve the support and upgrades that come with the healthy partnership I or any good woman can provide. You got problems? I am a planner, a builder, a winner, have recourses, and will tenaciously fight having your back if you let me.
8. If you are a toxic misogynist who has ever said, "I'm the man/dad, I make the decisions." Too often, it's people lacking a sense of power elsewhere in their life who attempt to exert a sense of power in their relationship/home. I'm not too much of a feminist to not let a man feel like the man of the house but I also get a say as an equal and respected human being.
9. If you claim to be big on communication but stay silent, vague, lie, become passive aggressive or aggressively deflect when you have a problem. If you've ever been that ass hole who's been over it but kept your mouth shut and still took advantage of her physically, fuck you. That is absolutely a violation taking sexual advantage of another while you take your time to say what needs to be said.
10. If you don't find humor in memes or random posts on Reddit lol. Let's just laugh at something ridiculous together lol!
11. If you are sooooo emotionally damaged and stubborn, you are incapable of conflict resolution and/or defusing a tense situation- especially if the conflict and tension was started by your actions. Calling genuine apologies and/or olive branches inappropriate or offensive show emotional immaturity and/or trust issues... or lacking basic language comprehension skills. Are you illiterate and dumb? Do you just ghost cuz you don't have the maturity to communicate and face reactions? Ghosting without understandable provocation is actually abusive and says a lot about your shitty-ass character (https://liveboldandbloom.com/08/self-improvement/ghosting-says-you) Threatening police and legal intervention because you're mad (not scared or in danger) shows you're damaged AF just hoping to cause another fear. Somebody from your past made you feel so weak, manipulated, and small, you threaten use of the blue stripe and lawyers to seem powerful or the victor in a resolvable conflict? Fuck them and fuck you too. If you are a *Karen* who will play the victim and call (or claim you'll call) the cops on a Black person in this country (or anybody) for no damn good reason, you are part of society's problems and you'll definitely be a problem in any home too. Punk ass bitch. *Lil bit of tea about the cop calling bitch below.*
12. If you aren't a gentleman in the streets and a beast in the sheets lol.
13. If you don't give a shit about art, culture, and intellectual topics.
14. If you don't give a shit about my interests and goals or don't have faith in what I can accomplish for myself, my future, our future, and big decisions down the line. I am a champion team player for life.
15. If you expect your woman to be the life of the party. I am an extreme INTROVERT meaning it takes time for me to warm up to new people, places, and experiences. Don't expect who I am with MY CIRCLE to be who initially shows up in your circle especially if I'm wearing some sort of uniform, costume, or requested look. DO NOT expect me to win you social points. I warm up quicker one-on-one but in a crowd of 3 or more, I'm awkward AF lol. But once I'm comfortable, game on! I also get really nervous meeting parents scary soon (before 6 months) aahhhh!
16. If a woman achieving her goals and successfully hustling makes you feel emasculated, insecure, and/or turned off. Honestly, I'm NOT trying to be a workaholic boss-babe. I wanna have money come in from multiple streams of passive income so I can chill and put my focus into my passions (family, friends, home, art, and adventure.) My mom *best mom ever* was a stay-at-home mom with her side hustles while dad *best dad ever* is the main provider. #GOALS (And that's probably why my parents are still together.)
17. If you're looking for a bobble head trophy who's dressed up 24/7 and entirely dependent on you. I have needs I'd love a man to help me with but I am capable of functioning independently. Also, I might spend half the time in a comfy t-shirt and no pants in private. I also RARELY wear makeup. (I look my worst when stressed and/or on hustle mode; both temporary.) When we go out, I can DRESS UP depending on the context but even in public I might be very casual at times.
18. If you won't delete your dating apps and continue to check them just in case there's someone better. Trust me, I could replace you faster if that's how you wanna play. A mthrfkr once lied saying, "I still have the app so I can look at your pictures." I had deactivated the profile... Glad that basic bitch is gone.
19. If you're a gamer who would rather game than interact with me when I visit. Damn, at least pick a game we can play together! If we ever live together, all good, but while dating this will not be acceptable when I visit you. I will turn your game off and never see you again. Hope you lose, bitch.
20. If you don't have BDE. BOOM I said what I said lol. And I don't mean an alpha. Just move and speak with confidence and purpose. Everyone, including me, has insecurities. Just don't let them be your compass, hinder you, impact the relationship, or lead to self-sabotage.
21. If you expect your woman to be a mind reader. Say what TF you need, want, are thinking, feeling, and ask questions to get the information or help you want. Need space? Say something. Not happy about something? Give constructive criticism. Don't just start acting cold, distant, and quiet letting your issues fester until you ruin everything and run away like a lil bitch.
22. If you use your astrological sign or Myers Briggs personality type as an excuse for shitty behavior. You are a POS because you've chosen to be or haven't gotten therapeutic help NOT moon placement or psychometrics. If you are who you are as a product of abuse and/or trauma, you actually don't even know who you could be in a healthy, nurturing environment. Don't make any excuses, especially these. Although astrology and MBTI interest and entertain me, telling me, "I did what I did because I'm an ENFP" will never be acceptable. My big hearted super dad is a Scorpio INTJ (the potential ass holes of the spectrum) but he's nothing like that icy, damaged mthrfkr (with the same sign and MBTI) who's now dead to me. You are who you choose to be. If you have chosen to be an ass hole, you have let harmful influences win and you now perpetuate harmful cycles- like a broken bitch.
23. If you look down on women who use social media. I am an artist and business owner. Social media has been a great tool used as FREE marketing. (Plus my Insta stories are 99% memes lol.) Not everyone on social media is an attention whore or ego maniac seeking outside validation. Many have figured out how to turn followers into customers. Don't hate or misjudge the hustle/hustler.
24. If you think being a provider is only a financial responsibility. Or if you're only capable of providing financially because you're emotionally fucked. If providing mental and emotional support is impossible/foreign to you, you're NOT a provider for well rounded human beings (partner and children.) That shit might work with the basics or someone as fucked up as you but with me, nah. Fuckoff. Provide warmth, safety, encouragement, adventure, big Os, and laughter! Who you are as a human being will also provide what I need, not just your wallet. What you tangibly have won't compare to how you make me feel. Provide SMILES! Make my days better and life easier with your presence. What's in your wallet will be the sprinkles on top.
25. If negging, sarcasm, and being a bully is how you "flirt." Are you the, "I was just joking" douchebag? That is immature AF and some pick-up-artist bullshit used to manipulate insecure girls. Talking shit to me won't hurt me but I'll come back with emotional damage that will put you in therapy. My ex fiancé is still not ok.
26. If you'll need your woman to make all the plans. I LOVE MEN WHO MAKE PLANS!!! "Put a dress on. I'm taking you out" is the sexiest thing ever omg. I make decisions all day at work and with my AJLUX projects. I'm totally cool with the you-pick then I-pick back and forth dynamic. But guys who always want the woman to decide, naw. I love manly leaders and leaders make plans. I want to be lead by a man. And be clear about your budget, boundaries, and schedule if expecting my input. If you tell me you're broke, we can plan something cute at home or come up with business plans to remedy the situation.
27. If you don't like pets. Especially big dogs. You need to trust that the family dogs have been properly trained. Don't warn me about a news report recounting someone's dog turning on them especially if you've never lived with properly trained dogs before.
28. If you have multiple babies with multiple baby mamas. Not cool with that Nick Cannon sh!t. No, I don't wanna be baby mama #4 lol. Don't admit there are other kids with other baby mamas after showing just one on your dating profile.
29. If you jump to conclusions as a defence mechanism. One look -> boom -> assumptions. The most ignorant mthrfks are the ones who never ask questions, jump to conclusions, and think they know everything. Jumping to conclusions to avoid an assumed disaster instead of asking questions to get the truth just makes you a pessimistic coward. Cowards can't be trusted.
30. If you've ever cussed out or been violent towards a child, especially YOUR child, or anyone weaker or less powerful than you. Are you a bully? Are you your child's first or biggest bully? The fuck is wrong with you?! Using profanity, screaming, and throwing insults while irrationally enraged is verbal abuse and potentially mental and emotional abuse that can severely damage a child- especially one younger than 6 (https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/early-childhood-trauma.) Bullies are abusers. And I'm that bitch who will take down abusers from now on. Even playfully spanking or physically restraining kids is a super weird red flag. Do I need to call the mom?
31. If you stop giving compliments. Women secret- it makes us insecure when the compliments suddenly stop and we will then try new things to get the compliments going again. I'll actually get offended too if you look over for just two seconds and say, "you look sparkly." No sh!t. Stating the obvious with little interest IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. It's giving, "I have nothing good to say..." I was insecure all night. Compliments stop, I'm out with a, "you look single" from now on.
32. If you use steroids. 'Roid rage is NOT acceptable no matter your physique. Confidently rocking the "DAD BOD" is sooooo sexy and actually my (and most women's) preference. A hot guy flipping the fuck out like a petulant teenager is disgusting. Put the 'roids down, get into body positivity, and find a hobby to help you build confidence not dependent on having Marvel pecs. Most men trying to get bulging muscles are often desperate for validation and praise from other men... men... And if you're not on 'roids but have comparable aggression issues, there's a clinical disorder going on that you can keep far away from me.
33. If you expect your partner to help you monitor your behavior and emotional outbursts. Dafuq? You need another mommy? That's fkn pathetic. I don't want to parent you- especially if I'm younger. You are an adult. I am not responsible for training or holding back a grown ass man. A kid, yes. A pet, yes. Employees and staff, yes. YOU?!!!! Take yo ass to a behavioral therapist and work your shit out.
34. IF YOU AREN'T ALREADY HAPPY cuz I am not prozac. Mthfkrs will leave a relationship and hurt a good partner cuz their human happy pill isn't working- no shit you depressed fuck. Happiness doesn't come from other people. It has to come from yourself. Go get some therapy cuz the unhappy ones become the ass holes on this list.
34. If you're attracted to me physically, not my personality, and intend to turn me into someone else. That's called GROOMING, you evil fuck.
35. If you're overconfident doing brown people's dances but count on a white person's beat. Colonizer vibes lol.
We will fight: If I complain about my period and you respond, "My ex(es) never had these problems." I hope your dick falls off, stupid fuck.
If you're ignorant about female anatomy... I will lose my fkn mind if I meet another dummas who thinks lighter, painless periods equal a healthier woman/uterus. A woman barely getting a period, especially from hard exercise, could lead to health risks. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1781987/) Within the uterus, vitamins, minerals, nutrients, tissue, literal body building materials are stored in the lining of the uterus for a healthy baby. Ever wonder why the majority of female bodybuilders, crossfit enthusiasts, professional athletes, and extreme dieters get little or no period? If she's using up the nutrients and body building materials for herself, they aren't being stored in the uterus for the baby. There is no study that can confirm if lighter or heavier periods affect fertility. But when it comes to the baby's health and development- that woman with historically light periods from going hard at the gym or overly restricting her eating should not be looked at as having the superior womb if nutrients aren't being stored especially for the child's brain. When was the last time you read an impressive success story and the mother was into extreme fitness/diet culture? Conditions, such as adenomyosis, may cause heavier bleeding, pain, and possibly a future cesarean section (for mom's protection not baby's) but not infertility (especially with today's science) or an unhealthy baby. Also, spotting can be normal and occur with age, during hormonal changes, and ovulation (https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/health/symptoms-and-diseases/what-is-spotting) Spotting may increase in frequency while a woman's biological clock is ticking or stressed. Deal with your issues/ignorance about menstrual blood before making a healthy, potential baby mama feel ashamed and discarded about it. Another lesson; many women get tummy issues because we have an additional organ, a uterus, in our lower abdomen pressing on other organs including intestines and bladder. The more bloated the uterus (healthy baby maker) and smaller the waist, the more tummy problems. The more nutrients and blood stored up, the more pressure on other organs. One more thing- if you want a son, that is entirely dependent on you. Only men pass on the Y chromosome (they pass on X or Y chromosomes.) If you've only created girls and are ready for a boy, talk to your doctor about IVF and your Y swimmers. Do not blame the woman. Women only pass on two X chromosomes. Some idiots really think, "she looks/acts like she'd give me my boy." The ignorance is mind boggling.
UGH.
I am far from perfect. Flawed AF. We all are. I work on red flags of mine obsessively when a man is honest with what went wrong (which is rare. I'm usually just ghosted or dropped via phone with some vague bullsh!t.) I'm trying to be better everyday for myself and a future partner. Now that I have my own luxury home again, I'm at peak performance. The list is actually even longer thanks to Sam but I need to bury that mthrfkr and what my dummas went through with him. I've focused too much on seeing the good in people, loving people, and giving chances or the benefit of the doubt when the same open-mindedness has never been shown to me. I notice EVERYTHING but have chosen to pay attention to what makes someone lovable- which is obviously my downfall. I've finally closed and locked the gates. Defenses ON. No, I'm not gonna turn into a bitchy, man hating, ass hole. I love men! My male family members and friends are amazing! I'm just extra protective and moving extra slowly now.
Beyond ready for love! But Black Queens are the least desired (even less desired than Asian men on dating apps) when it comes to forever partnership. (https://aninjusticemag.com/black-women-voted-most-undesirable-women-to-date-what-a-mistake-559ac53965e0) We're treated the worst, always underestimated, overly sexualized, and most likely to be single parents (https://www.impactmw.org/children-and-families/single-parent-families-by-race-ethnicity). We're women often targeted for street cred, used for our bodies, used for the stereotypes, exploited in online content creation, or just used up. And yet, we are the most educated group in this country (https://www.thoughtco.com/black-women-most-educated-group-us-4048763) as well as the fastest growing group of successful entrepreneurs. (https://www.forbes.com/sites/ruthumoh/2020/10/26/black-women-were-among-the-fastest-growing-entrepreneurs-then-covid-arrived/?sh=7b197e596e01) Unpack that... I got a scholarship to Occidental College, just like Obama did, my brand AJLUX was always profitable before the pandemic, and people were collecting my art. But I'm constantly initially judged as a just a dumb ornament with a paycheck. Dafuq??? Also, nobody has anyone's back harder than a strong Black woman because history conditioned us to always hold down the fort during mass incarcerations of Black men, husbands, and fathers. However, data shows that only 53% of light-skinned Black women get married as opposed to 23% of darker skin Black women like me (https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/apr/08/dark-skinned-black-girls-dont-get-married.) So, I'm mentally preparing to die alone. Or be a sugar mama with my pool boy and chef on rotation LOLOL. jk but not really... Sadly, if you're black, educated, and ambitious, better luck next life. (https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/successful-women-dating-men#:~:text=While%20many%20men%20will%20say,call%20their%20own%20into%20question.) You have the traits most men don't want especially in interracial partnerships. "I will not be outshined by some female darkie" mentality.
When comparing notes with my single black sistas, we observed we get rejected, criticized, or dropped for the dumbest reasons. We're all educated professionals not rappers talking about WAP. Not affairs, not abuse, not misuse of funds, not crossing boundaries, not lying, not real relationship ending fuckups- a messy fucking drawer, not being the stereotype, not going hard at the gym, true ambition, and enthusiasm to spend time gets us dropped. And we've all been abandoned while going through tough times such as a death in the family, financial crisis, health issues, mental health crisis, etc. Because of the angry Black woman stereotype, aggressive men often target us as partners thinking we'll be able to handle their toxicity resulting in many of us facing abuse and then getting dropped for being too soft aka HUMAN- if we don't hafta run away and make an escape first. And it's always the mthrfkr who has the least going for him that is the most critical and/or abusive- or the romance scammer who isn't getting the results he wanted fast enough. It'll be the mthrfkr who talks about you moving in after 2 months and who told you "Come over whenever!" needing space. "I don't miss you," was said when asked why a break turned into a breakup. I'm assuming he actually met someone while we were together cuz when I facetiously mentioned a new girlfriend in a short text message, he threatened to call the cops and take legal action then ghosted... like a guilty, punk ass bitch. I'm gonna sue for emotional distress lol.
Now I live by this long ass list to weed out the undesirables while focusing on building an amazing life as the Black, rich aunt that flies in from exotic locations to flex at family reunions lol. My heart and mind are open for a king but I'm doubtful he's looking for me. SURPRISE ME and receive more love and companionship than you've ever experienced before in a calm, laid back, respectful manner xoxo. I grew up with loving parents who are still married (47 years together) and have been a wonderful example of how to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. Hopefully it happens for me too. But if it doesn't, I'll make art, sit by the pool, travel, and hustle on! Art and money will never break my heart like men can lol. No more BS!!!